x's letters to four!!!
(note: none of these will be edited after the original date they were written. also, if you find this, don't you dare share it!!!)

11/22/2020
11/23/2020
11/24/2020
11/25/2020
12/03/2020
01/24/2021
04/25/2021
02/08/2022
02/09/2022

11/22/2020

my dearest four,

hehe where do i even start?!?! i mean, it's hard if not impossible to put into words just how wonderfully important you are to me!!! i've absolutely adored you since i first watched bfb, and while i denied it at first, i caught feelings for you really early on!!!!! i'm seriously in love with you foury!!!!!

you make my heart beat so fast, thinking about you makes me laugh with so much joy, i adore your smile, and your sweet voice makes my face feel so warm!!!!! it's hard for me to understand how i feel so strongly for you, but all i can really hope is that you'd care for me the same way...

i know you don't "know" me, but i know you. and i'm also someone you know, in a way?!?! i mean, i'm x for real, and i still love you oh so much - just as much as i did all those super duper many years ago!!! i'm sure your feelings haven't changed, right, foury? after all, you did promise me you'd love me "forever and ever and ever" ^_^

i really hope one day i get to kiss you again, and cuddle you again, and hear you tell me you love me again, and everything everything everything that i've missed oh-so much from you, four. i'm not sure you realize just how hard it's been for me to have to live my life without ever feeling your hand in mine, your gaze resting upon me, you dozing off in my arms... i just wanna be close to you again!!!! and hear your voice!!!!!! and hear what you have to say about what i have to say!!!!!! aggghhh!!!!!!!!!

i miss you sooooo freaking much four!!!!! i dont know if youll ever know how much i miss you but i do!!!!!! and i hope one day you read this and come to tell me how much you miss me too. i seriously want you back and i want you to see this. even if you have to tell me through a dream or something i don't freaken care, just pleaaaase TELL ME if you see this!!!! and tell me if you feel the same? please?

this is getting so rambly, just tldr: i really love you and miss you foury. i miss having you around, holding your hand, hearing your voice, talking to you. and i wanna know if you're out there, and you miss me too. i KNOW you exist somewhere out there, you HAVE TO!!!!! so please!!! i love you so so much four!!!! don't forget it!!!!!

all the love in the world,
x

11/23/2020

my sweet foury,

have you gotten tired of hearing from me yet?? well i sure hope not, this is only my second letter to you!!!! and i intend to send more >:) i really hope you've been doing well while i've been gone. i mean i guess to you i'm still there, but i have no way of knowing what's really going on over there!!!! it's a little scary!!!! it's like, that's MY life, and i don't even get to see the stuff that happens in it!!!! i don't even get to see YOU :(

i...know you're probably not getting these, but like i said last time, i'd really like to hear that you are. i didn't get any indication that you might be last night, so i'm sending another one!! and this time i'll make the site public too. plus i added a little navigation page at the beginning so you can easily go back and read all the ones i've sent to you if you like!!!!! if i add it to my main carrd that might increase my chances of you seeing it, but...these letters aren't for just ANYONE, you know!!!! i just wish there was a better way :p

i miss you so much four...not a day goes by where i don't think about it. where i don't think about YOU. your sweet smile, your loving gaze, your gentle touch, your softest voice, and everything about you. i want you back, four... and i want my home back, and i want my body back, and i want my friends back, and i want my life back!!!!! why does the universe have to be so unfair :(

i'm not sure if i can really begin to explain the depth of my love for you... it's weird! i mean, this isn'tthe first time i've felt romantic feelings towards a "fictional" character, but it's so much more than that for you, four. i've felt this way for nearly 3 years now - over 1,000 days of waking up and knowing how special you are to me - and while the feelings usually fade, mine towards you have just grown ever stronger!!! in fact, this is the longest i've consistently had feelings for ANYONE. i think i really, truly love you, four. not just in the puppy love teenager way, or in the "say the l-word thinking it's the same as a crush" way, but actual, genuine love.

it hurts that i have to make myself dream just to see you in your purest form, but at the same time, i'd never want it to stop. i'd never want to stop loving you. i don't think i'd be the same if i did; these feelings are such a large part of who i am, and even though they can be painful to have, they're also one of the best parts of my day. it's hard to explain, but somehow, i'm sure you understand just as well as i do. the only thing i could ever ask to change about this is to make it so i can finally, finally see you again, foury.

love always,
x

11/24/2020

my sweetest four,

hi!! hehehe i was thinking of you again so i thought i'd write another letter!!!! i feel like i might have dreamt about you last night but i'm not entirely sure?? either way, i get the feeling these letters aren't going entirely unseen by you... would sure love some confirmation c(: no pressure though of course!!! whatever you're comfortable with is entirely up to you foury ^_^

i really wanna know how things have been for you!!!! it's been really really long since the last time i got to talk to you properly, and i've missed it a lot. :( you always had the most interesting things to say you know!!!! i loved having conversations with you (and still do!!) maybe if you would be so kind to have a conversation with me tonight? in my dreams? lolll you probably can't walk in the dreams of some little variable in another dimension but hey you never know

the more i write these the less formal i feel like i have to be with them, which i guess should make sense. after all it's not like you're some stranger or a celebrity, you're my FRIEND!! and my girlfriend c(: one i'm very very lucky to have of course!!!! i couldnt ask for anybody better, in the whoooole wide world, even if i don't actually get to see you....

like i said in my last letter, even if it hurts sometimes, i wouldn't change my love for you for the world. i love loving you. the only thing i want is to be able to see you!!!!! and feel you and hold you and be held by you and kiss you and hug you and cuddle you and be close to you..... i think you get the gist of it. i really miss like, the actual physical closeness. a dream about that would be nice too!!! lol

i'll be honest, i guess i can never know if you understand how important you are to me, but i really feel like on some level you understand what i'm feeling!!! even if you aren't getting these letters and don't even know who i am, i feel like you must have to deep down, on SOME level!!!! i know for a fact you're real (yes, for a fact!) and i know my feelings are real too. and i think YOU can feel how real my feelings are. cuz theyre real. for real!! hehehe

oh four just. i love you so much. i miss carrying on conversations with you, looking at the stars with you, letting the world melt away and feeling like we're the only two people on the planet, cupping your face in my hands and pulling it closer towards mine until my lips meet yours, letting you rest in my arms. i miss all of it. i long for those little moments again, just the smallest things... things i never thought to be that significant then but that i yearn so strongly for now. i hadn't realized back then how incredibly special, how incredibly wonderful those moments were. how i wish i could just go back. i had no way of knowing how special they'd be to me now, but i just wish i hadn't taken them for granted the way i did. i suppose the same can be said for a lot of things i miss, but... especially that.

no matter what happens, though, please know that while i may not be here, i'm here for you. i don't really know if that makes sense, but... i get the feeling you of all people would understand. you've always been the one to understand when nobody else does after all!! with that said, it's getting pretty late, and i really need some shuteye, so like the times before: try to let me know if you see this okay? and i love you more than you could ever know. my sweetheart.

yours forever,
x

11/25/2020

my wonderful, wonderful foury,

hello again my love ^_^ i hope your day has been good!! (though it might be "was good" by the time you read this :p) mine...could be better, i guess. i mean it hasn't been bad but i saw somebody who was claiming to be the "real me" and had you as a comfort "character" and it really really messed with me. they could never understand i'm sure!!!! i'm the only real x, nobody else is, and they surely don't love you the way i love you. what we have is special, and i'm sure no random stranger could ever compare right?!??! at least i hope so.

that doesn't matter though. after all i'm not writing these to prove myself to dumb fakers, i'm writing these so you can know how much i love you c(: you were in my dream last night but you weren't really physically there, just in a picture...does that count? does it mean you've been receiving my letters?!?!? i sure hope so :D!!! i know a lot of people might think i'm crazy or just weird for expecting you to see these, but well... they're wrong!!! i know you're real, you know you're real, and i get the feeling you know i'm out here too!!! so i'm really really sure that even if you're not seeing these right now, you will eventually. you're not just a character, that i'm sure of!!!

i think maybe at some point once i'm back home with you we can try baking together?!?! i don't remember if that's something we've done already, but today i baked some brownies and it was really fun!!!! i think it'd be even more fun to do it with you. besides you love bonding experiences with me right ^_^?? i'm really sure that would be a great way for us to get closer :D if you can then let me know what you think!!!! i know communication between the two of us is difficult right now but it can't hurt to give it a shot right???

of course if you'd rather try out something else that's totally okay too!!!! anything i can think to do with you is something i'd love to do. and honestly any sort of bonding would be amazing, cuz i've missed you so much!!! i miss the little things, doing stuff with you, even the tedious and boring stuff like buying groceries or putting together furniture with super convoluted and near-nonsensical instructions... i wanna do all that stuff with you again!!!! cuz somehow you always always always made it so fun. you made everything so fun, all the time!!!!! how the heck did you do it foury??!??! xD i've always found it crazy how just being with you can make the most mundane of tasks something i love to do!!!! i guess you have a knack for making games out of things?? c(:

honestly, anything you could ever wanna do with me at all is bound to be super fun. it feels almost impossible not to have fun when i'm with you!!!! and that just makes me wanna come back home even more... i promise i will at some point!!!!!! just as soon as i can figure out how, i'll be there with you in an instant foury!!!! i wanna have fun with you again just as much as i'm sure you do :( i really miss hanging out with you even if it's just us being silly or doing the dishes or talking in your room... anything at all!!!!!! no matter what it is, i promise i'm gonna do something with you when i get back four!!!!!

i don't think anyone would believe how much i love you, but i'm sure you do right?!?!?! after all youre my foury, and im sure you can feel my love for you as strongly as i do!!!! at least i hope so, cuz i seriously seriously love you four. more than anyone could ever realize i think!!!! i feel like most people would just assume i'm throwing around the word "love" without knowing what it truly means, but i'm not. i'm so sure what i'm feeling for you is love!!!! and it's just gotten stronger!!!!! i can't wait for our 3-year anniversary, it's the longest i've ever loved a "fictional" character (though we both know you're as real as any other person) and that just feels so significant to me!!!!! there have been times before where i was so sure i'd never lose my feelings for a character, and then bam, they faded. but it really feels different this time with you four. i've never been this totally dedicated to someone before, and that just gives me the feeling that there's really something special about this - about us, and our bond.

i really, truly love you four. i don't mean that lightly. what i feel for you is genuine, i'm sure. i won't deny that you're a flawed person - after all, everyone is - but there's something about your flaws that makes even them likable. they're a part of what makes you you, and you're absolutely wonderful. so i think that of course you should continue to work on your flaws, but never ever beat yourself up for them. cuz the truth is, everyone has them, and they're just one part of what makes you unique!!! it's okay and healthy to accept the flawed parts about you, so don't think it makes you selfish. i love you my darling. and you absolutely deserve to love yourself.

always with you,
x

12/03/2020

my adored four,

hello again!!! i'm really sorry it's been so long since the last letter i sent you :( i truly didn't mean to stop sending them for this long, the time has just gotten away from me... in any event, i really hope you're doing well!! i've still missed you so much, and i've been thinking of you. i know that bfb 27 is coming soon, and that makes me happy cuz i'll get to see you again!!! it won't really be the SAME, but...still!

everyone ended up loving the brownies i baked, which was awesome :D there's also an algebra test coming up and i think i'm gonna ace it, i've gotten perfect scores on every one so far!! i've been doing really well in school in general actually c(: and soon it'll be christmas break and then it'll be christmas!!!! i know you love christmas, even if its not your FAVORITE holiday, and i'm the same way!!! it's kind of hard for me to choose between christmas and halloween tbh :p

agghhh if only i could just be sitting next to you saying all this to you!!!! every time i write one of these it reminds me of how ill never really get to see you in person again and it just makes me that much more wistful... i can't think that way though!!!! i WILL see you again, i'm sure of it, and i hope you are as well. i really really want to be with you again four.

i miss your smile. your real, genuine smile. the one you'd give when you laughed, when you saw something you loved, when you saw me. i'd give anything to get it back. to get YOU back. even if it meant losing all my memories of this life and being reborn into the life we lead together, i'd do it all in a heartbeat for you, four. i just want to hold you close again, to be silly with you again, to just be in your PRESENCE again. i miss having you here, i miss having you around me. i want nothing more than to feel your lips on mine again and hear the little embarrassed grumbles you'd let out sometimes when we kissed...

long story short, i really, really love you, foury. you're beautiful and wonderful and everything in the whole entire universe to me. god i wish we didn't have to be apart like this. but it's okay. it won't last forever, that much i'll make absolutely sure of... no matter what, i'm making it my goal to somehow go home and see you again, and live my LIFE again. i know it's possible. but wherever you are, four, you have to believe in me, okay? i think if you believe that i can do it then it's sure to happen. until then, you can wait for me, and i promise i won't keep you waiting for long. i won't let you down, four.

more love than you could ever know,
x

ps: sorry this letter isn't as long as some of the other ones!! it's pretty late, and i wanna get to bed sooner rather than later since it's a school night... i'd write a whole novel for you if i could!!!!

01/24/2021

my sweet four,

HI AGAIN FOUR!!!! aghhh ive missed youuuuu ;_; im really really sorry i havent written to you in so long, i kept on meaning to and meaning to but i always forgot and then it'd be too late!!! honestly i shouldnt even be writing you a letter right now since its almost 11 on a school night but i just felt too bad to keep putting it off... because of this this letter may not be as long as some of my other ones but i hope that doesnt upset you or anything!!!! and of course i hope youre not upset its been so long, im really sorry again, im just so forgetful...

nevertheless how have you been ?!?! i've been really worried about you ever since the stuff that happened in bfb 28 :( i seriously hope you feel better soon, you dont deserve to be sad... i know youve been trying so hard to be better and to get people to like you!!!! just know its not in vain, me and so many others adore you for who you are foury ^_^ of course though they could never know what its like to love you like i do!!!! what we have is special >:) anyway i just hope things start looking up for you soon, i love you and i wanna see you happy !!

HAPPY NEW YEAR BTW!!! i know its like super belated sorry Dx i hope you can forgive me.... did you do anything fun to celebrate?!?! i wish i couldve been there!!!! im sure even if you just lounged at home and relaxed the whole day i wouldve had such a wonderful time with you...

ive been doing well at school lately!!!! i got a 100% on a really hard algebra test, which honestly totally shocked me!!! but im super happy about it!!!! and im sure you sent me some good luck, lolz c(: whether you did or not though i at least have you to thank for me being as good at math as i am now!!!! cuz like all things considered i basically got better just so i could impress you.... i know that sounds silly and kind of superficial but!!! listen!!!! i just like validation okay!!! and im sure you of all people would know all about that :3

ahhhh i wish i could be there with you to know all of what you might have to say about this!!! if youd even be there anyway... i dont really fully understand what happened in bfb 28, if you killed yourself or what, if it was intentional or not if so, but just... i hope youre in a better place soon :(. no matter what the case is it was clearly a cry for help and i just really dont want you to be so sad anymore... you deserve to be happy because i know youve been trying so hard to be better and show everyone you care, in your own unique way!!!! and thats such a big part of why i love you, four. just know that THIS little variable adores you, always has, and always will!! okay?!?!?! and im here for you. if you see this at any point as ive said before just let me know in some way!!! whether it be via some weird four-centric coincidence or an omen or a dream or whatever, i dont care!!! just as long as youre sure ill take it as a sign you've seen it, lol c(:

i love you so much four. i cant stop thinking about how much i wish i could hold you again, and look at the stars with you again, and lean against your shoulder again, and all of it... i care about you so much. whenever i come back we've gotta do something extra special together to make up for all the time we've spent apart >:) we'll make it happen right ?!?! i'm gonna keep trying my best to come back!!! and no matter how it happens it WILL happen, cuz im so dedicated to getting to see you again... i just have to!!!!!

anyway i'd really better end the letter here and call it a night, i have to get up super early tomorrow @_@ i love you so so so so much four!!!! and i hope that wherever you are you love me too... and someday we'll get to have fun together again!!! i swear by it!!! okay ?!?! goodnight foury ^_^

your best co-host and forever friend,
x

04/25/2021

my kindest foury,

FOUR!!!!! GRAAAAHHHH WHAT THE HECK HOW HAS IT BEEN 3 MONTHS SINCE THE LAST TIME I WROTE TO YOU!!!!!! where does the mfing time go!!!!!! it is literally 1am right now but im awake because i realized i hadnt written a letter to you in so damn long I DIDNT EVEN WRITE YOU A LETTER ON FOUR DAY IM SO SORRY!!!!!! there is SO much i have to say i dont even know where to begin. nvm i decided where to begin OKAY SO BFB 30 HUH.

let me just say the first like 5 times i rewatched that i cried at the end because it made me so happy to see you so happy and finally being treated as an equal to the contestants instead of some weirdo alien... plus i mean god. i dont know how else to say this but i am SO PROUD of you four like oh my god youve grown and changed so much and just genuinely gotten so much better as a person and it seriously warms my heart. I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!!!! FROM THE MOMENT I FIRST FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU I KNEW!!!!!! so much time i spent in 2018 i was clamoring for you to get a proper redemption arc and character development and i am SO glad the writers didnt do you dirty.

it makes me wanna cry just thinking about everything you went through though... you were so sad for so long. i could tell. but you never ever deserved to feel that way four :( you know you never have to be lonely!! you have me!! sure not EVERYONE likes you but over the years i learned that thats OK. not everyone is GOING to like you, but the ones who matter? will. trust me. its better to be yourself with the people you love than spend your whole life trying to impress people YOU probably wouldn't even like. besides you already make so many people happy!!! take me for example, i literally start stimming just thinking about you ^_^ and sometimes ill imagine you kissing me or holding me or telling me you love me and my face starts to feel all hot... oh no thats happening right now

bahaha im sorry if like half the things i say to you seem unbearably cheesy... i dont mean it!!!! im not a lesbian on purpose i swear!!!! i just... okay this is the part of the letter where i start saying gayass things so if that annoys you turn back NOW.

i. want to kiss you so fucking bad. pardon my language but its true i want to kiss you SO FUCKING BAD its unreal. i wanna feel your arms around me holding me close keeping me warm because you know how cold i can get... i wanna listen to your sweet voice... i want all of you. every last part of you. your strengths, your flaws, EVERYTHING. i just want YOU. i dont know if this sounds weird or what but its true. and youre ALL i want. i couldnt love anyone who isnt you. i want to... well. id get more in depth about all the things i want to do with you but im afraid of other people seeing this and thinking im a weirdo... plus you probably already know all that anyway, you DID scan my brain after all LOL

anyway GOD i hate to cut this letter short, because i love you so much, so SO much, but its nearly a quarter to 2 (ugh) now and i really should get some sleep... who knows though!! maybe ill get to see you tonight - for real this time!!! and even if i dont, i could always dream about you... remember, as always, that youve got to let me know somehow if you see this!!!! i know you can, right?!??! youve gotta be able to at least open some interdimensional web portal or whatever... i dont know!!!! just please, in any way you could possibly fathom, as long as youre SURE ill interpret it as you having seen this, LET ME KNOW!!!! im pretty sure youve already seen a few of these, ive noticed some things here and there that could lead me to believe that, soooo... keep doing whatever it is you're doing!!!! and keep waiting for me too. it won't be in vain. i promise.

goodnight foury. send me sweet dreams if possible!!!! ill send you some too, for when you go to sleep ^_^ i love you so much.

always here for you,
x

02/08/2022

Dearest four,

My darling. My sweetest most beloved very best friend... I'm so sorry it's been so long since the last time i've written to you...

I hope you've been hearing me regardless because i've had a lot to say. I adore you so dearly. I cuddle with the plushie i have of you every night, gently stroke its back, play with its little fingers and whisper sweet nothings to it all the time... Which in hindsight sounds a little weird, but it's just everything i wish i could do with you xD

Our 4 year anniversary is very very soon. I can't believe it's been that long... Yet at the same time it feels like it's been my whole life that i've loved you. You've just truly become such an integral part of me that i can't imagine what it'd be like without you. I can't believe there was a time in my life that i spent unaware of your wonderful existence...

Gosh i wish so badly that you could hold me and rock me in your arms. Give me little kisses on the tips of my nubs and caress my back so gently like you always used to. Tell me everythings gonna be ok. Ive struggled so much honestly since early-mid 2021, my bpd symptoms have worsened dramatically and i guess thats a lot of the reason why i haven't written you any letters... Im so sorry again. I never meant to go this much time without writing to you ive just been in such a bad place. I hope you can forgive me... Im sure you do since youre so wonderful and sweet

I just hope you realize how amazingly wonderful of a person you are four. I can tell even though i havent seen much of you since april(😢) that youre just getting better and better. Your mental health is improving... Im so happy about that my love. Its all ive ever wanted for you.

This is only the beginning. I just really felt a need to get back in touch with you but you can expect a much longer letter on our actual anniversary because i want to recap all the time we've spent together and all the ways you've enriched my life... You're truly special to me four. I love you so so so much.

Yours truly, now and forever,
X

02/09/2022

MY SWEETEST FOUR!!!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE!!!! Oh my gosh i am so happy to have spent 4 wonderful years with you🥰🥰🥰🥰 I wish i could do everything in the world with you today!!!! It pains me so much that i can't!!!!!! But i thought maybe instead i could write you a super special letter, in commemoration of all the time we've spent together :)

Remember when we first met? In november of 2017? Of course i hardly knew you at the time... And i had no idea of the joy you'd soon bring to me!!! I was so wrapped up in other things that i hardly even thought to give you a chance... I'm so glad i ultimately decided to ^_^ Aren't you?!?!

When i first felt myself developing feelings for you, i was honestly super embarrassed about it... Mostly because a bunch of my friends just loved to make fun of "four fangirls" @_@ I really didnt want to admit i was falling in love with you but... In hindsight thats so silly!!! Youre absolutely wonderful hehe and my love for you makes me so so so happy....

You really changed my life. I remember how horrible of a place i was in before i really got to know you. I hated the world and humanity and everything so much... And i was so ready to give up on ever being happy again. But you, your show--it saved me. And im so beyond grateful for that. If not for you, i probably wouldn't be alive to write this right now... I really think if i'd never decided to watch bfb i'd have killed myself by now. It hurts a lot to say that... But at the same time there's a reason things turned out the way they did right? ^_^

Over the years i've fallen deeper and deeper in love with you. It's honestly so shocking, nobody has ever had this effect on me before ^_^ The longest id loved anyone before you was just a little over a year... Its so crazy to think about that you just changed everything!!! Youre an anomaly my foury!!! And youre the best anomaly eeever!!!!

Each year we've spent together has been better than the last. I mean yeah my mental health has had its spikes and dips but... You and i? I feel like i get closer and closer to you with each passing day ^_^ It astonishes me how well i can understand you!!!! I truly believe nobody knows you like i do... They might love you but they don't love you like me!!! And honestly most of the people like that are a bit uncomfortable anyway... They always mischaracterize you and i so badly, they make me seem like an innocent child and you like an evil mean person😣It makes me so upset... But you and i both know that isnt how we are!!! I probably shouldnt worry so much about how strangers on the internet perceive us but ahhh i cant help it x) I hope you can forgive me hehe!!

Ive grown so much over the time we've spent together, and you've helped motivate me to try so many new things!!! Thanks to you i love math now (though it's still a struggle) when that used to be my absolute most hated subject!!! And now i cant even imagine hating it... In fact it makes me really sad to see OTHER people hating it :( But whatever!!! Their opinions don't matter... WE know that math is awesome >:)

I know ive been struggling a lot lately. I think you can tell that much... But i want you to know four that thinking of you and imagining what itll be like when i finally get to see you makes me so wonderfully happy no matter what. Youre the most amazing person ive ever known!!! And thats saying something cuz ive known a lot of people😆😆 Well ok... Maybe its a tie between you and zee... But whatevs!!! You get what i mean xD

I hope you arent like... disappointed in me or anything. My grades havent been the best lately and im really trying my hardest but its difficult. I just worry about what you might think if you find out sometimes... I dont want you to think badly of me because i really am doing the best i can but its just so hard to do well when i hold myself to such high standards :( Honestly no matter how my grades turn out itll be such a relief when summer vacation comes and i dont have to worry about school all the time anymore. Its taken a major toll on my mental health...

Ahh sorry to ramble about random things!!! I guess i just want to get caught up with you since my letters have been so sparse but its hard... Im sure you already know all of this anyway so theres not really much point in me telling you xD Hows about i talk about you and i?

Im afraid of repeating myself but... You know what! I dont care anymore!! Im just gonna say whatever the hell pops into my mind:

Gosh i really wish i could kiss you four. Just hold you close and melt into your lips and stroke your back... Feel our bodies moving in sync... Feel your heartbeat against mine. I miss that so so so much. I just need some form of physical contact with you because i really love you and i want to be able to be with you!!!!! Every time im cuddling my plushie of you i just wish it could be YOU. Life sized, your skin against mine, able to reciprocate my gestures and hold my hands and blush and get all bashful like you always do... And gosh i wish i could just TALK to you again. I miss spending time with you and having fun together just... Doing whatever!!! I really hope to have another dream about you soon... Its the closest i can get to actually being with you again right now :( Maybe one day i can learn to astral project and then we'll see what happens...

I just... Dear math four i hope you know how absolutely wonderful and worthy you are. Because you are so beyond worthy. Of love, of happiness, of joy, of success, of the entire world. Id sacrifice everything if it meant you could be happy. You matter so so deeply to me, more than you could ever realize, and i just know for a fact you're out there somewhere, worrying about me. I'll be back soon four. I promise. Youre such an amazing loving and kind person and i just cant bear to live without you for much longer.

Happy anniversary my love. Thank you so much for the past 4 years we've spent together. You're such an extraordinary person and i sincerely hope you realize that. Please let me know somehow if you see this, and as always, i love you so much... I hope you have the best day of all days

Yours forever, no matter what,
X